Leggo My Preggo

Speaking of stupid dialogue surrounding pregnancy…

Me, reading a seriously sexist blog that’s not worth linking to: Wait, this dude calls his partner ‘wify’? UGH! Aaron, don’t ever call me wify.
Aaron:  Okay, wify.
Me:  Don’t call me that! It’s a stupid nickname! It’s just like using the word preggo, or even worse, va-jay-jay.
Aaron:  Okay, preggers.
Me:  Mumble mumble die in a fire.

Here’s the Kicker

It’s story time.

Yesterday, Aaron and I played DDR for the first time in, oh, about eight months. Truly, I missed the game: no other gets my breasts bouncing and my heart beating quite like it. But, while I still know all of the steps to my favorite songs (Ahhhh, takararu mono! Ahhhh, koi wa hidden mode! Soshite survival!), my stamina is gone. We played through two sets of three songs and I just about died on the pads. “One more set,” I gasped, in desperate search of my fix, “just one more,” before I collapsed on the floor in a fitful, sweaty heap.

Ah, bliss!

Twenty minutes later, just after my heartrate approached the normal bpm of a sedentary pregnant woman, something interesting happened: Nolan freaked out. Now, to fully impress upon you what I mean when I say that the being I am carrying freaked out, I need you to close your eyes (but continue reading. Squint, I guess. Okay, fine, whatever, keep them open) and use your imagination.

Imagine that you’ve just finished a good, hard, all-out sprint. Your lungs are burning, your sweat glands are pumping, and the muscles in your thighs are stretched to capacity. Unlike a professional runner, you immediately sit down. Concentrate on the feeling of your muscles unwinding after being strenously worked–can you feel the popping? Now, multiply the strength of the popping by two. And two again. And two again. They also tickle.

Now imagine that ticklish popping going on right below your belly fat… At forty times per minute. Thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-THUMP! was Nolan’s way of saying, “Dearest mother, if you wouldn’t mind, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!  Are you crazy?!  You could have killed us!  Sincerely, your sweet, adrenaline-filled baby.”